Two years ago I would have confidently given you a run down on my 10 year plan, if I’m being completely honest 6 months ago I would have told you essentially the same thing with an increased amount of vigor, vim, and conviction.

The thing is, I didn’t account for the fact that life was going to continue to progress and change. My family, my children, my husband, our business, wasn’t going to evolve the way I predicted it to when I formulated my plan. And therein lies the problem with planning. It requires the variables to be maintained as you set them out to be. Being prepared means you’ve looked at the possible outcomes, prepped for the possibilities, and moved back into living in the present.

Don’t panic, nothing bad or major has happened, other than life, but that’s exactly it. As my children have gotten older, something I knew in my head would happen, my heart didn’t account for the truth that it would actually truly occur. That there would be a moment when I would no longer have little kids, the moment would come when I would have hours a day to myself, the moment when in order to stay healthy I would have to put it all down and reexamine all of the things I have been carrying around as my truths.

Enter the identity crisis, that might be a bit dramatic, but let’s be honest, are your surprised that I’m being dramatic?

My life coach/consultant/guide/guru knew this moment was coming, in fact she had done her very best to prepare me for it, the moment when I would face the realization that my identity was entangled in a lot of my titles, and roles, and not firmly planted in who I am.

I wish that in this moment I could confidently tell you this is it, I am sure that this is who I am, but I can’t. What I have learned? Being in service makes my heart beat, I’m not even super picky about the type of service (although I did draw a line with being in “service” by working at the post office they wanted me for 48 hours/6 days a week! can you say boundaries??)

This is where is started to get sticky for me with my kids, husband, and the business. You see, they no longer required my full scope of serving abilities, and if you want to know the truth, I was starting to interfere a bit with all of my serving. I’ve got a fixer brain, and things that aren’t broken but have room for change and more efficiency, or to be done my way, I’ll throw myself at.

And that’s the problem. I was working from habit, having 6 kids in 8 years requires some pretty intense attention for a time, my kids requirements of me had changed, I hadn’t updated the system yet. I was seeking something, let’s call it change, but didn’t want things to change. Yes that is as backwards and confusing as it sounds. The realization that what was next? I had know idea.

In my youth I had visualization about my life, they never went past the part of having kids at home and being married. Here I am, yes I have kids at home, but not like I used to. Enter the Post Office. Yes the USPS. For a year now they have sent us a postcard bi-weekly announcing that they are hiring. For a year I have joked “I could always get a job at the Post Office.” Mid identity/life panic I applied at the post office and 5 other places. Turns out the Post Office and Smith’s are not what I was looking for.

I have accepted a job at Mountain America Credit Union. The month long process of all of this has brought so many things to the surface, out of the shadows, and back to my memory. I’m certain that I am at the beginning of this plot twist, that truthfully even I didn’t see coming!

Stick around, I’ll be back with more.

Umm it’s sideways 🤷‍♀️ View from my weekend writing spot.