Are you doing your best?
You may be doing your best, but are you putting this effort into what is in your best interest?
I find myself seeing a lot of post for mothers/parents when I am on social media that keep saying things along the line of “you’re doing your best”. While I love the sentiment behind this, encouraging the mother to keep putting one foot in front of the other, I have to ask the question; are you doing your best at putting your energy into what is in your best interest? Or are you doing your best at putting your energy into living up to what you believe you’re supposed to be doing, or living up to an expectation that you or someone else has created for you?
It’s timely for me to be writing this, as it is that time of year for taxes. I am working on several really exciting projects, but today, it’s tax time. I am not doing my best if I am putting my energy into the exciting projects and avoiding the hard thing of doing taxes. There may be many who tell me to go where my energy takes me, put the energy into the business excitement, and schedule a time for doing the taxes another day. The truth here? Avoiding the taxes is actually hampering my ability to show up creatively with all of my new projects. Mentally you can only compartmentalize so many things for so long before they start to drain your ability to show up. How many things have you put off, or are saving for another day. How is the cumulative drain showing ups for you?
For example are you trying to show up as a great mom for your children, but haven’t taken the time to make the call to the school, meal plan or prep, move your body intentionally, do the work to release the baggage you are carrying around with you… I think I am making the point. Putting these things out of the forefront of your mind doesn’t not make the knowledge that they are there go away. It’s like putting a rock in a backpack. How many rocks are you carrying around? Yup getting rid of rocks doesn’t feel good right away and it’s work but it’s necessary in order for progression. In order to get to the experience you desire there is going to be discomfort, yuck that you have to resolve, getting over being comfortable and avoiding and doing it anyway!
If you are a mom, overwhelmed by the mess in your house, this may look like you moving through the discomfort of asking for and receiving help, holding your kids accountable for being a part of the upkeep (follow through!!), downsizing the amount of stuff you have to make things more simple, letting go of the perfect standard you have created for it to look like. No this does not happen all at once. No you don’t have to do all of this, and this ultimately isn’t doing more (it may very well feel like it’s more at first). It’s about figuring out how to better manage your time, get realistic with your expectations, and do it.
Three steps to take to move you closer to doing your best for yourself.
Look very closely and bring awareness to the very itty bitty little teeny tiny decisions you are making.
Decide before how you are going to respond in the areas you would like to change. Reminder these decisions are on the little things.
Stick to the change for at least 90 days. Reward yourself intentionally.
Let’s talk about #1 a bit more. How aware are you of how you are spending the little moments of your time. Being aware of the big things you are doing, going to work, running kids around, making dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry, those are the easy things to be aware of, and can overwhelm our awareness.
What are you doing in the little moments, are you taking the extra 10 minutes at the beginning of the week to map out the flow? Are you preparing to arrive 15 minutes early to be prepared for turbulence? Are you saying NO to 90% of the things presented to you? If you don’t have time to slow down enough to write down and track how you are living life currently your first step is deciding 3 things you are going to put down for the 90 days to open up space for this. This decision will save your mental health in the long run, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.
Number 2. Did you do the D.A.R.E. program in elementary school? It was barely becoming a thing when I was elementary school, but the one take away that has stuck with me is deciding how I am going to respond before I am being asked to do drugs. Present usage? Decide beforehand how you will respond. If you are constantly being asked to do things you don’t want to do, and you keep saying yes. Start practicing now how you will respond. My favorite response in these situations is “can I get back to you?” This buys you the time to take a deep breathe, hold hands with your confidence, find a support person to back you up, and then respond to the person with something like. No, not this time, I can’t this time but get back to me next time, no and my circumstances have changed and I won’t be able to do this in the future either. Also decide on the things you will say yes to, for me it’s my 7:40 pm Zumba class. There is usually some negotiations with myself around 7:00, but I know whatever justification I can come up with doesn’t matter, I can have the conversation with myself while I change my clothes and drive to the gym. I’m always grateful I am there once I get there. I’m never unhappy that I have meal planned, prepared, and grocery shopped. I may not love the initial pain of holding myself and my kids accountable to their participation but the results are worth it.
Consistency! Number 3, you want to know if the change is going to work? And last? 90 days!! I know there are a lot of places that happily tell you that if you can do something for 21 days it’s a habit. Really… other than things that absolutely make me feel like a slug and take me further away from what I am working towards this has never been the case for me or anyone else I have worked with. Conscious connection to what you are choosing, for what reason you are choosing it, the benefit you will gain from consistently choosing it, and the consequences of not following through, will serve as the reminder and motivation for following through, and make it a non negotiable. You will do it. A motivational thought or feeling inspired is short lived. Get real clear and connected on the reason you are doing what you are doing, if you are finding ultimate resistance and struggle to follow through ask yourself if it’s actually in your best interest, or did someone else tell you to do this.
This builds your baseline. The more time you can spend consistently practicing, living, and doing, life the you would like to, you build a baseline of living. If something happens that throws you off track, when it’s time to get back to it, you’re not reinventing the wheel. You know where to start and you already know you will find success and results.
If this all sounds really great and exciting but overwhelming and a bit confusing this exactly what I do as a life coach. I take all the big input, and help you dissect it. Help you find the little place that require shifting, so you can get the big results you want. Schedule a free consultation, or appointment to start working with me now at Schedule here